Well…it’s been one heck of a ride. Deliverance is definitely a process. What I believe to be the “strongman” is still residing in me and will not budge. I am firmly convinced that only The Lord God Almighty can remove this one. It doesn’t matter how many people I think up to forgive or how many things I renounce. It doesn’t matter how many names I call out or come up with for this monster, it is NOT leaving. No other Christian can deliver me either. I believe this demon is different. It is the worst and I believe God has kept me from being delivered on purpose but for my own good. I am not seeking Him and have not been. I can’t imagine how a demonic torment of this nature could be used by God because of the type of attack and the sin it entices. However, I am but clay, I cannot figure out The Creator of all.
This situation has been going on most of this year, since February or so. I admit, I sinned. The wages of sin is death. I engaged in some sin that led to the heaviest demonic attack ever on my flesh. It was like 10,000 lust demons kept attacking me all at once. I knew I would never ever be able to get rid of them so I bowed my head at my desk in desperation and asked Jesus Himself to save me. After I said my prayer and raised my head, all of it was gone! I experienced a miracle deliverance at the Hands of my Savior right there on the spot. However, I wound up willfully sinning again with what got me into that mess in the first place. This is when the demons I am dealing with now came in. They are not as overwhelming as that encounter, but they are persistent and are always at work attacking me, violating me in molestation, any time of day or night. Sometimes they tricked me and it seemed they were gone for a few days, but they always come back.
I have seen on some Facebook groups and YouTube that 2017 was prophesied to be the year of breakthrough or victory. Those aren’t my words. This year I have been far from victorious. This has been the year of trial for me. The year of testing. My faith has been greatly tested and it is not over as I sit here this morning. This never ending ordeal is affecting my will, my attitude and whole life. I have been learning a lot:
- We should NEVER ASSUME things because assumptions lead to twisted thoughts, feelings, and thus sin. Satan’s greatest weapon: deception.
- We cannot 100% understand what we are going through. Sometimes the solutions are not so simple. God is Sovereign and we must realize that. He is NOT a personal genie who moves instantly according to our desires. God knows what is best for us.
- Answered prayers don’t always look the way we imagine and do not always come when we expect or plan.
- God is far more merciful than I have ever known before.
- I have felt the love of Jesus in the midst of the fiery furnace. When the devil heated it 7 times hotter, Jesus never left me. Faith is really tried through fire. I have heard a preacher say that if you go through the fire on fire, then you will be okay. In my case I was not truly on fire so this trial has been painful and I continue to struggle. I did not know I was not fully crucified in the flesh. I was not truly all in for Jesus. Though I haven’t been lukewarm, I was NOT fully SURRENDERED. Dying hurts. Dying is painful. Dying to self is painful.
- Some things you just cannot run from in life AT ALL.
I NEVER believed in Deliverance Ministry, but after the demons were unleashed in my life due to willful sin, and having experienced this nightmare, I have seen, experienced, and I believe. I have had many devils cast out of me even though this sexual molesting demon is not budging right now. Mental illnesses are demonic. Once I completely come out of this thing healed, Lord willing, I am going to expose the darkness of the psychiatric/psychology industry! Praise God I did not finish my Psychology degree! What I believed in with all my heart is a LIE. I don’t need Lithium. Bipolar Disorder is a demon and can be cast out successfully by the Power of The Holy Spirit in The Mighty Name of Jesus. I strongly believe in tapering off the medications once you begin to heal after deliverance and as led by The Lord. DO NOT STOP YOUR MEDS ON YOUR OWN as your flesh and brain is dependent upon them and used to them. I am starting the process of stopping the meds slowly next month!!! Schizophrenia, and and all the others too must leave in the Name of Jesus unless they have legal rights to be there. Legal rights are reasons demons won’t leave and they have to be dealt with to set oneself free. For example, if you were in an adulterous relationship and you had a tie that belonged to your former lover, you would have to get rid of it because the demon would use that against you. There is so much stuff to all of this! Soul ties are very interesting too! I have much to talk about over time, Lord Willing.
I really believe the fact that my dad was a 32nd degree Mason dramatically affected my family and I. It has brought much hardship I think. I hate Freemasonry and am planning on exposing it too…
When I come out of this thing alive by The Hand of God, I am going to change the features on my blog. I will no longer endorse psychology or medications and the way I have dealt with all of my troubles my whole life. I plan on telling the world the truth and how things really are!!! Maybe the enemy is attacking me extra hard because he knows I will be on fire for God and really destroy the kingdom of darkness in serving my God!
This is NOT a comfortable place to be, but without a test I would not have a testimony. I know this will all work out for my good according to The Bible even though it feels sooo bad in this moment. I could ramble on, sooo much to talk about right now!
- I have experienced the Healing of GOD! It is REAL! You only need a true, Holy Spirit filled believer to lay hands on someone or pray and they can be instantly healed in Jesus’ Name! I have already been an instrument to heal my mom’s foot by The Power of The Holy Spirit! Healing is real! I never believed this before!!! Experience changes everything!!!
- I have seen demonic manifestations in my bedroom/house. It was freaky each time. Bright lights in different forms. Supernatural stuff is real. THE WAGES OF SIN IS DEATH! It is NOT worth it! A few minutes of ungodly pleasure will really cost you! God chastens those HE LOVES.
- CHRISTIANS can have DEMONS! I have had a hard time with my Brothers and Sisters that I used to fellowship with believing this. The argument is often that light and dark can’t exist together and because we have The Holy Spirit we can’t have demons. Jesus saved our soul/spirit, not our flesh members or mind! Research this!
It’s rocky. Being tested is so painful. It’s a roller coaster. Some days are easier than others. I know God is using this to draw me closer to Him and to depend on Him. I am sure it has something to do with me surrendering fully to Him as well.
I guess that is all for now everyone. I love you all and look forward to sharing more later. No matter how rocky things may be, Be blessed today in Jesus Name! The Christian life is NOT EASY. Just remember there are mountains too, and not only these valleys 🙂
God has been speaking to me tonight about two things in particular. Patience and joy!
To just look for the Grace of my God…Seeking the presence of my Savior in the midst of trials instead of asking for a way of escape. That’s all I’ve done up until this point, ask for ways out. But what if there’s some growing here? Maybe I can’t see the blessings in this wilderness? Oh! But He’s NEVER failed me, and HE IS FAITHFUL! He said He’d never leave me nor forsake me, and I BELIEVE HIM!
I am now (in this actual moment as I write. Thank YOU, HOLY SPIRIT for this revelation!) beginning to see that I am uncomfortable giving up the control I believed I had. I had scenarios planned out and what I thought the answers to all my problems looked like ready in my head, but God had other plans. I guess I am in the process of learning to actually trust God and loosen my grip on everything. The fact that I am able to sit and type this shows He has sustained me and brought me this far in the wilderness I have been walking in for a little while now. THANK YOU JESUS FOR SAVING ME!!!
I know He is doing something in the midst of the pain and darkness. There is purpose for our pain in Christ! Everything will work out for our good in JESUS!
James 1:2-4 (KJV)
2 My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations;
3 Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience.
4 But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing.
Hebrews 12:1-11 (KJV)
1 Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us,
2 Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God.
3 For consider him that endured such contradiction of sinners against himself, lest ye be wearied and faint in your minds.
4 Ye have not yet resisted unto blood, striving against sin.
5 And ye have forgotten the exhortation which speaketh unto you as unto children, My son, despise not thou the chastening of the Lord, nor faint when thou art rebuked of him:
6 For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth.
7 If ye endure chastening, God dealeth with you as with sons; for what son is he whom the father chasteneth not?
8 But if ye be without chastisement, whereof all are partakers, then are ye bastards, and not sons.
9 Furthermore we have had fathers of our flesh which corrected us, and we gave them reverence: shall we not much rather be in subjection unto the Father of spirits, and live?
10 For they verily for a few days chastened us after their own pleasure; but he for our profit, that we might be partakers of his holiness.
11 Now no chastening for the present seemeth to be joyous, but grievous: nevertheless afterward it yieldeth the peaceable fruit of righteousness unto them which are exercised thereby.
Romans 5:1-5 (KJV)
1 Therefore being justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ:
2 By whom also we have access by faith into this grace wherein we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God.
3 And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience;
4 And patience, experience; and experience, hope:
5 And hope maketh not ashamed; because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us.
Romans 8:28 (KJV) And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.