The Worth of The Cross

Lying in bed last night as I was thinking about how terrible this demonic torment has been for months, it came to me: Look at Apostle Paul! Look at all he went through for the sake of Jesus and The Cross! He ENDURED so much! What patience and perseverance this Brother had in The LORD! After so many pity parties and begging God to take this thing away…how much am I willing to go through for Jesus and for The Cross? How much does He matter to me? Am I going to serve Him through the dark times also as I have so boldly proclaimed many times before all this happened? It’s so much easier to boast about my dedication for Christ than for me to walk it out with Him in patience when things get so tough.

All my life I’ve been quick to give up when things don’t go my way easily and quickly. I haven’t had much patience in all my 32 years on this planet.


Check out what Apostle Paul went through for Jesus’ sake.

2 Corinthians 11:16-33 (KJV)

16 I say again, let no man think me a fool; if otherwise, yet as a fool receive me, that I may boast myself a little.

17 That which I speak, I speak it not after the Lord, but as it were foolishly, in this confidence of boasting.

18 Seeing that many glory after the flesh, I will glory also.

19 For ye suffer fools gladly, seeing ye yourselves are wise.

20 For ye suffer, if a man bring you into bondage, if a man devour you, if a man take of you, if a man exalt himself, if a man smite you on the face.

21 I speak as concerning reproach, as though we had been weak. Howbeit whereinsoever any is bold, (I speak foolishly,) I am bold also.

22 Are they Hebrews? so am I. Are they Israelites? so am I. Are they the seed of Abraham? so am I.

23 Are they ministers of Christ? (I speak as a fool) I am more; in labours more abundant, in stripes above measure, in prisons more frequent, in deaths oft.

24 Of the Jews five times received I forty stripes save one.

25 Thrice was I beaten with rods, once was I stoned, thrice I suffered shipwreck, a night and a day I have been in the deep;

26 In journeyings often, in perils of waters, in perils of robbers, in perils by mine own countrymen, in perils by the heathen, in perils in the city, in perils in the wilderness, in perils in the sea, in perils among false brethren;

27 In weariness and painfulness, in watchings often, in hunger and thirst, in fastings often, in cold and nakedness.

28 Beside those things that are without, that which cometh upon me daily, the care of all the churches.

29 Who is weak, and I am not weak? who is offended, and I burn not?

30 If I must needs glory, I will glory of the things which concern mine infirmities.

31 The God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, which is blessed for evermore, knoweth that I lie not.

32 In Damascus the governor under Aretas the king kept the city of the damascenes with a garrison, desirous to apprehend me:

33 And through a window in a basket was I let down by the wall, and escaped his hands.


Trusting in Him and submitting to Him. Surrendering to The LORD… This video really speaks to me right now.

One day at a time. I believe God is cleansing me and purging me of the world and my carnal desires for the things of this world, known or unknown. I have fasted and done many deliverance. The demons are coming out but at a slow pace. The sexual demons are still violating me anytime 24/7 and I’m still having nightmares and annoying physical torment, but you know what… This morning I actually thank Him for what He is doing in me. I am not fully submitted to God. I am not fully dead to self. I am not truly surrendered to Him. I plan on seeking surrender to Jesus now more than ever. One day at a time. I must get into prayer alone with my Father in the quiet. It’s so easy to get caught up in this world as we are living in the technological age with so many distractions. Impatience is hard to shed when everything comes so instantly in this period of humanity. I confess I am impatient and need to surrender to God.

James 1:2-4 (KJV)

My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations;

Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience.

But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing.


So, God bless you all. I hope this helps someone. Glory to God! He revealed this to me last night before falling asleep. Praise His Holy Name! He has NEVER given up on me! He will NOT give up on YOU either!

Godssalvation

Me On The Altar.

God has given me the answer to my spiritual problem this year multiple times using different people and things. Instead of heeding any of His opportunities, each time I pushed them away and tried to do it my way or another way. The way He has for me I have always put aside because it was too hard and extreme for me. It’s like I want to know God so intimately but I want my desires too. I have cried out for The Lord to draw me into The very Heart of Him in recent years and He is doing that right now. I am going down whining, kicking, and screaming. As nasty as this spirit husband harassment has been you would think I would have already fasted and kicked this thing. But it’s not about this spirit husband. This is actually about God. This is about me no longer running from Him. I can’t have it both ways. Not anymore. I want to know God. I want to seek Him with all my heart and find Him. I want to break through in our relationship to a new level of fellowship with The Holy One.

This is me dying. This is the end of me. This is me putting my flesh (the lust of the flesh) on The Altar. This is painful. This is not what I want to do. I am beginning a fast at noon in a couple minutes and I have avoided this for months. I don’t want to be molested anymore and raped by unseen forces, aka the spirit husband. God is delivering me and giving me grace and everything I need for this, including the support of some amazing friends that are Family in Christ!

Today, I finally got it. It finally registered. This is how it’s going down. This fast is me surrendering to Jesus and letting Him take my walls down. I want to give Him all of me and hold nothing back. I have been shown so much information these past few months about the spirit realm and the demonic forces, the fact that everything has a spiritual root cause, and so much more. The Lord has revealed so much to me, including some big things about myself. I thought I knew it all already because of what He had shown me in leading me to Bible prophecy, but I was wrong. We will never learn it all, and pride is one of the things He has been taking down inside of me. Praise God!

Receiving the revelation this morning that I needed to fast as part of surrendering to God and dying to myself, really makes a difference. It doesn’t make it any easier in my flesh, but it helps me inside. I have to decide what matters most: God or food. God or my flesh. God or pleasure. God or me.

I’m learning this is about my will.


Check this out (from biblehub.com)

The Sin of Self-Will by R. Tuck
Psalm 81:11
But my people would not listen to my voice; and Israel would none of me.

Observe that the sin of which complaint is here made is not that Israel did not hearken, but that Israel would not hearken. God goes in behind the acts of disobedience, and is concerned with the spirit of wilfulness which found expression in the acts. The judgment of God upon them brings to view the special feature of their sin. “So I gave them up to the obduracy of their heart, that they should walk in their own counsels” (ver. 12).

I. SELF-WILL AS THE SIN INTO WHICH MEN FELL. Self-will is the perverted use of free will. Free will could be self-will if man were an independent creature. Free will must not be self-will, because man is a dependent creature. Free will became self-will, because man allowed himself to be guided by what seemed “pleasant to the eyes and good for food,” rather than by what he knew to be the will of him on whom he depended. Serving himself is the essence of sin for one who has been made dependent – in every way dependent upon God. What we have to counteract is the delusion that man is an independent being, and therefore may “follow the devices and desires of his own heart.” Illustrate from Daniel 5:28.

II. SELF-WILL AS THE SIN FROM WHICH MEN ARE DELIVERED. There are penalties into which men have brought themselves by their self will, and from these they need to be delivered. But it would be no effective redemption that dealt only with penalties. Deliverance from self-willedness, in a dependent creature, can only be effected by making him on whom he depends so infinitely attractive that he wins full trust and obedience. And this is accomplished by God’s manifestation of himself to men in the Person, life, and sacrifice of the Lord Jesus Christ.

III. SELF-WILL AS THE SIN INTO WHICH THE REDEEMED ARE IN DANGER OF FALLING BACK. Illustrate from the Israelites, as redeemed unto the service of Jehovah, from Egypt. Bring out

(1) the open ways, and

(2) the subtle ways, in which nowadays Christians may be tempted to the self-trust which breaks them away from their dependence on God. – R.T.


I watched a preacher online talking about dying to self yesterday. Today when I caught myself switching into the flesh during a conversation about something I am very opinionated about, I remembered what he said. This is the part of me that is yet to die. I don’t remember the exact words but I am so glad it came to mind again, praise God!

Don’t give up everyone. Jesus loves you! Father God is drawing His Church to a deeper relationship with Him I think. You are loved beyond measure by The One who died for you to be reconciled with Him for eternity!!! We cannot fathom how much we really mean to our Father and our Jesus! Praise Him today! No matter how dark it is or what you’re going through today!

*Final note: I just want to remind everyone not to be freaking out over demons and giving the kingdom of darkness any kind of glory. The battle is in the mind. I have been letting them get to me myself. Seriously, they are playing head games with you. No matter what you feel or see, God is greater! He NEVER leaves you! He is still there whenever you are under demonic attack! HE WILL MAKE A WAY for your deliverance!

The Remedy…

Most of this year I have been tormented by unclean spirits. Especially what is known as a familiar spirit or spirit husband, and Kundalini. Tonight I had a revelation. All of this time I have been spiritually sick for months now, but yet I have avoided my Great Physician. I have been broken down for so long and I have been waiting on my breakthrough for sometime now.

Tonight I realized that I need not focus on self-deliverance, deliverance sessions or deliverance prayers right now. I have dealt with all these and they have worked but I’ve been missing the mark. The TRUE answer to the ending of this torment and the beginning of my great healing is seeking The Face of my God alone in prayer. In all honesty, I have spent hours upon hours studying different types of demons and casting them out and so on but yet so very little time with Jesus. I have spent very little time in prayer. I have been what I call praying on the run 99% of the time instead of seeking Him in the prayer closet.

Papa has been waiting with open Arms from day one, but as always I have sought control in doing it all myself. I realize I have been doing it all in my own strength and walking in the flesh more than the Spirit. I long to have a stronger relationship with God and really be used by Him. My problem has always been that I have wanted to serve Him more than to KNOW HIM. Relationship is number 1!!! So, this morning I am going to my Father with empty hands and arms lifted. I surrender.

Jesus save me! I need Your Presence always! I want to learn more about You and learn who I am in Christ to replace the false identities the world has given me.

I love You LORD!

Patience & Joy

God has been speaking to me tonight about two things in particular.  Patience and joy!

To just look for the Grace of my God…Seeking the presence of my Savior in the midst of trials instead of asking for a way of escape. That’s all I’ve done up until this point, ask for ways out. But what if there’s some growing here? Maybe I can’t see the blessings in this wilderness? Oh! But He’s NEVER failed me, and HE IS FAITHFUL! He said He’d never leave me nor forsake me, and I BELIEVE HIM!

I am now (in this actual moment as I write. Thank YOU, HOLY SPIRIT for this revelation!) beginning to see that I am uncomfortable giving up the control I believed I had. I had scenarios planned out and what I thought the answers to all my problems looked like ready in my head, but God had other plans. I guess I am in the process of learning to actually trust God and loosen my grip on everything. The fact that I am able to sit and type this shows He has sustained me and brought me this far in the wilderness I have been walking in for a little while now. THANK YOU JESUS FOR SAVING ME!!!

I know He is doing something in the midst of the pain and darkness. There is purpose for our pain in Christ! Everything will work out for our good in JESUS!

James 1:2-4 (KJV)

My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations;

Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience.

But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing.

Hebrews 12:1-11 (KJV)

1 Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us,

Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God.

For consider him that endured such contradiction of sinners against himself, lest ye be wearied and faint in your minds.

Ye have not yet resisted unto blood, striving against sin.

And ye have forgotten the exhortation which speaketh unto you as unto children, My son, despise not thou the chastening of the Lord, nor faint when thou art rebuked of him:

For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth.

If ye endure chastening, God dealeth with you as with sons; for what son is he whom the father chasteneth not?

But if ye be without chastisement, whereof all are partakers, then are ye bastards, and not sons.

Furthermore we have had fathers of our flesh which corrected us, and we gave them reverence: shall we not much rather be in subjection unto the Father of spirits, and live?

10 For they verily for a few days chastened us after their own pleasure; but he for our profit, that we might be partakers of his holiness.

11 Now no chastening for the present seemeth to be joyous, but grievous: nevertheless afterward it yieldeth the peaceable fruit of righteousness unto them which are exercised thereby.

Romans 5:1-5 (KJV)

1 Therefore being justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ:

By whom also we have access by faith into this grace wherein we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God.

And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience;

And patience, experience; and experience, hope:

And hope maketh not ashamed; because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us.


Romans 8:28 (KJV) And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.

 

What I Found in the Dark.

I spent most of my childhood, teen years, and early twenties hating my body. It was never good enough. The one year that I was able to get into a single digit two-piece swimsuit, I still didn’t look like page 23 in that month’s issue of Seventeen!!!

Discrepancy is defined as… a conflict or variation, as between facts, figures, or claims

The ideal-me I dreamed up, founded on the looks of pop stars and celebrities of my time didn’t ever match up with who I really was, nor does it now…with my current appearance and who I have become. It’s so strange to now actually be okay with who I am. I have a lot of weight to lose. I can definitely relate to Kelly Clarkson right now, currently a plus sized beauty, dealing with public fat shaming. Who are these people to tell us what is beautiful and acceptable? If the fields of the earth were covered in Lilies alone, wouldn’t it be boring? Sunflowers, Daisies, Roses, Marigolds, and all the rest makeup the perfect mix the Lord created!

I didn’t get here on my own. Being above a particular weight was NOT AN OPTION at age 16 for example. Now, I’m relaxed but putting forth the effort to achieve a healthier weight. My eating disorder and body image struggles no longer govern my life. Freedom, peace…I’ve been liberated!

You might ask how?

I sought treatment of course in both private and group therapy with the aid of medication as well. Those were essential and definitely set me on the right course, but…

The keystone element, the stream in my desert that freed me from myself…was God!

In the darkest of days, it was difficult to entertain thoughts of Divine comfort and healing from God and Jesus Christ…but it did happen. Treatment for our greatest struggles in life is such a blessing, but can you imagine how much more powerful, how better an outcome there is…when the Creator of the Universe is behind it all!?!

When I let go and let God in on my treatment, things got better. Not overnight, or even in a few months. Its different for everyone, but when I began actually trying to have a relationship with Him on my end of the line, praying and seeking His Truth…My wounds began to slowly close up-and over time, no more “Band-aids.” Patience. I was restless and ready to move on with my life. So tired of devoting so much time and effort into therapy and learning to love myself. But, you know, it paid off.

Along the road to Recovery, as I walked with God I became enlightened. One night when I had my Bible out I stumbled upon this verse that changed me forever.

Psalm 139:14…

Amen.

God is the Great Physician, the Greatest Artist..a Father to the fatherless, a husband to the husband-less. The Lord God Almighty fills in those holes you and I know all too well. I spent so much time searching for something to complete me, to make me acceptable. I had no clue that It was there all along.

Just thought I’d share this as a little encouragement to everyone tonight. My prayer is that you will step back and consider your worth, your beauty.

God bless always

-Amanda

Surrendering to God

Being a Christian is one of the most difficult things a person can do, if they do it with all of their heart, living out the Truth they follow and proclaim. To live by the Spirit is against our carnal nature. So…when we choose to follow God and not ourselves, there’s this friction. Sparks fly.

I’ve been a Christian for 15 years now. However, it wasn’t long ago that I really dove in, head first. In my younger years, I was a foot-in-the-water kind of Christian.  I was a good kid, never got into any trouble in high school. In fact I did great in academics and extracurricular with music, drama, and art. I stayed busy, but I drank very little of God’s Milk. My growth was stunted. It would be years before I would become the person I am today, and do the better things that I now can do.

I am not the strongest I will ever be. This is a journey, and we don’t stop until God calls it. Our mission on earth is incomplete until the day of Christ. We all have a part in the grand scheme story that God made called life. Sometimes it just gets uncomfortable and so difficult when you try and do the right thing. When you try to forgive somebody who’s using and mistreating someone close to home and to heart, when you are not able to finish goals and dreams you set long before your ship wrecked. When finding out that doing it God’s way seems unfair. You want to curse at that person, talk trash about them behind their back. You blame God and/or yourself for unfinished dreams and goals. Truth is, you’re not alone. That’s human life, trying to understand the Divine.

For me, losing my father this year was one of life’s hardest lessons thus far. I was blessed to have him and know him all my life as a father, as a loving husband to my mother, and as a man of God. Even with the Amazing hope of Heaven, knowing my father died in the Lord and is resting in Him now, It still hurts, naturally. My mother losing sight of her left eye a month later was so difficult. We thought we would be in the clear for a while, but the storm was not over.

The storms of life, like the two biggies of 2014 for me, can nearly tear us apart, and like a wrecked car, total our emotions.  But at the same time, everything changes. The eyes of my heart opened up this summer and my understanding and walking with the Lord just grew like never before. The pain of the disaster, and living through it, led me into a better shape spiritually. The horrible things that have happened have left me better off, concerning my soul.

I finally get the whole Surrender Thing. It all makes sense.