Tag Archives: me

You Don’t Have to Take The Broken Road…

TURN AROUND by Matt Maher

Track art

Young man on the side of the road
Lost and beat up with nowhere to go
Smells like a hangover from days ago
He does what he can to survive

Single mom with a dead end job
Ninety hour week just to keep what she’s got
With the bills that add up and now she’s caught
She does what she can to survive

Well, let me say
That love won’t take away the pain
But don’t be afraid
‘Cause it will never walk away

If you’re scared that you don’t matter
If you’re lost and need to be found
If you’re looking for a Savior
All you gotta do is turn around

Some turn to a bottle
Some turn to a drug
Some turn to another’s arms
But it seems like it’s never enough

Well I won’t say, that you will never fail again
But there is grace
To wash away your every sin

If you’re scared that you don’t matter
If you’re lost and need to be found
If you’re looking for a Savior
All you gotta do is turn around

No one listens to you anymore
And your heart has broken down
You don’t need to move
Love has come to you
All you gotta do is turn around
All you gotta do is turn around
Turn around

You don’t have to take the broken road
You can turn around and come back home

You don’t have to take the broken road
You can turn around and come back home

You don’t have to take the broken road
You can turn around and come back home

If you’re scared that you don’t matter
If you’re lost and need to be found
If you’re looking for a Savior
All you gotta do is turn around

No one listens to you anymore
And your heart has broken down
You don’t need to move
Love has come to you
All you gotta do is turn around
All you gotta do is turn around


“Still Haven’t Found What I’m Lookin’ For…”

Still Haven’t Found What You’re Looking For? C.S. Lewis, Bono and the Argument from Desire via crossexamined.org

by Ted Wright

For better or worse I was a child of the 80’s, and during that time a new rock band came on the scene that changed pop music, both in Britain, America and eventually the world. I immediately loved their sound as soon as I heard it. Their style was unique, and the lyrics had a real message. Their songs resonated much deeper than the typical pop tunes being played on the radio. That band was U2 from Dublin Ireland.

In May of 1987 the band released their 5th studio album titled “The Joshua Tree.” The second track on that album is a “gospel-esque” song that producer Danny Lanois encouraged Bono to write.[1] The song is “I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For.” The song has been acclaimed by many critics and publications as one of the greatest songs of all time.[2]

What makes this song so unique and timeless? Sure it’s Bono’s excellent vocals, Adam Clayton’s chilled-out bass, and the Edge’s astral guitar licks, but I believe that it is also something more, something much deeper. The song touches on a truth that is embedded in all people – a deep sense of longing and desire for something that this present world cannot fully satisfy. Here is the second refrain.
“I have kissed honey lips

Felt the healing in her finger tips

It burned like fire

(I was) burning inside her.
I have spoke with the tongue of angels

I have held the hand of a devil

It was warm in the night

I was cold as a stone.

But I still haven’t found

What I’m looking for.

But I still haven’t found

What I’m looking for.”
The song is written in the style of a gospel-lament which has it roots in the Psalms, the Lamentations of Jeremiah and later, African-American Spirituals. So, what is the singer lamenting?

He is lamenting that no matter what he tries or what he does, ultimate satisfaction isn’t found in this world. His satisfaction must come from somewhere else. He was made for something else, for somewhere else, or perhaps for someone else. He is a pilgrim and a sojourner on this earth, “just a passing through.”

In his book Mere Christianity, C.S. Lewis articulates an argument for the existence of God based on our dissatisfactions as well as our deepest desire, which sounds a lot like the lyrics of U2’s song. I would even argue that the core idea is the virtually the same.

Lewis’s argument goes like this:

…A baby feels hunger; well there is such a thing as food. A duckling wants to swim; well there is such a thing as water. Men feel sexual desire; well there is such a thing as sex. If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world[3]

Philosopher Peter Kreeft has done us a great service and re-formulated Lewis’s argument from desire into a syllogism that might be a little easier to follow.

Every natural innate desire corresponds to some real object that can satisfy that desire
But there exists in us a desire which nothing in time, nothing on earth and no creature can satisfy.
Therefore there must exist something more than time, earth, and creatures which can satisfy this desire.
This something is what people call “God” and “life with God forever.”[4]

Premise 1 – Every natural desire corresponds to some real object that can satisfy that desire

The key here is that every natural desire has a corresponding reality. The implication is that there is a distinction between two kinds of desires – natural desires and artificial desires. Everyone has natural desires, like the desire for water, food, sleep, friendship (companionship), etc…, but we also have desires for things that are artificial, or conditioned by society – like the desire to be famous, or the desire to possess superpowers (like one of the Avengers), or the desire to own a Ferrari.

However, with the artificial desires we don’t recognize a condition called “Ferrari-lessness” which corresponds to, say a natural desire like the desire for water (thirst), or for food (hunger).

Premise 2 – But there exists a desire in us which nothing in time, nothing on earth and no creature can satisfy.

This premise is existentially true, and either one senses it or not. It can’t be forced. It may be pointed out, however, that even though one might not sense a desire for God, it doesn’t mean that the desire is non-existent, just buried under the concerns, the worries and the busyness of life.

The Southern novelist Walker Percy commenting on “the search” in his classic novel The Moviegoer (1961) touches on this idea:

The search is what anyone would undertake if he were not sunk in the everydayness of his own life. To become aware of the possibility of the search is to be on to something. Not to be onto something is to be in despair.

Something is missing, so we despair. Indeed, as Thoreau writes, “…most men live lives of quiet desperation” (Civil Disobedience & other Essays), or like mythical, Greek Sisyphus, we “feel” the futility and the endless drudgery of work & life and deeply sense that there must be “something more.”

If God is the ultimate source of joy and fellowship, then nothing but Him and Him alone (& life with Him forever) will satisfy the heart of every person.

This truth has been articulated by many different voices throughout history.

“For He [God] has set eternity in the hearts of men…” – King Solomon (Ecclesiastes 3:11)

“Thou, O Lord hast made us for Thyself, and our hearts are restless until they find their rest in Thee” – St. Augustine (The Confessions)

“There is a God shaped vacuum in the heart of every man which cannot be filled by any created thing, but only by God, the Creator, made known through Jesus.” – Blaise Pascal (Pensees)

“Not to be onto something is to be in despair” – Walker Percy (The Moviegoer)

“I still haven’t found what I’m looking for” – U2 (Bono)

Peter Kreeft brilliantly summarizes premise 2 this way:

The second premise requires only honest introspection. If someone defies it and says, “I am perfectly happy playing with mud pies, sports cars, or money, or sex, or power,” we can only ask, “Are you really?” But we can only appeal, we cannot compel… Even the atheist Jean-Paul Sartre admitted that “there comes a time when one asks, even of Shakespeare, even of Beethoven, ‘Is that all there is?’”[5]

Premise 3 – Therefore there must exist something more than time, earth, and creatures which can satisfy this desire.

Premise 4 – This something is what people call “God” and “life with God forever.”

Admittedly, the conclusion of this argument is not an “air-tight” case for the God of the Bible, but it is certainly a stepping stone. When the argument from desire is placed alongside of other arguments for God’s existence, such as the cosmological argument, and the teleological argument, then I think it makes a pretty compelling case worthy of serious consideration.

Kreeft says, “What it proves is an unknown X, but an unknown whose direction, so to speak, is known. This X is more: more beauty, more desirability, more awesomeness, more joy.”[6]

Our lifelong nostalgia, our longing to be reunited with something in the universe from which we now feel cut off, to be on the inside of some door which we have always seen from the outside, is no mere neurotic fancy, but the truest index of our real situation. ~ C.S. Lewis (The Weight of Glory, pg. 42)

Truth, Goodness & Beauty

It may be that beauty, and our desire for infinite beauty and truth and goodness is where we feel the unfulfilled longing[7] the most, as Kreeft brilliantly explains:

There are three things that will never die: truth, goodness and beauty. These are three things that we all need, and need absolutely, and know we need absolutely. Our minds want not only some truth and some falsehood, but all truth, without limit. Our wills want not only some good and some evil, but all good, without limit. Our desires, imaginations, feelings or hearts just want not just some beauty and some ugliness, but all beauty without limit.

For these are three things that we will never get bored with, and never will, for all eternity, because they are three attributes of God, and therefore all God’s creation: three transcendental or absolutely universal principles of all reality. …Truth, goodness and beauty are ‘patches of Godlight’ here in the ‘Shadowlands.’ Their home is Yonder.[8]

Christianity teaches that the only way to truly KNOW God is through Jesus Christ who came to reveal Him for Who He truly is.

“Now this is eternal life: that they know you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom you have sent” (John 17:3)

My Life. The Many Roles We Play.

My Life. The Many Roles We Play.

I was a happy 4 year old little girl in the first photo on the left. I loved to sing and would sing Church hymns for my family at gatherings, I even had a harmonica and tried to play the blues. I was fearless, and pretended to smoke cigars with my daddy in his old, red Ford truck on the country roads of eastern Kentucky. I enjoyed riding the tractor with daddy and my momma’s soup beans and cornbread at the coffee table in the living room with some Nickelodeon on. Life was good.

The older I got, the more complicated things became. Once I was a teenager, things weren’t always as happy go lucky for me. I began to lose myself in comparing myself to other girls, and dreaming of guys that were taken at my school. In my mind I wasn’t that pretty, never lucky in love, and not ‘popular’ so to me I did not count. It did not matter that I was the field commander over the high school marching band for 3 years, nor that I graduated with awards and honors from high school. I developed Bulimia at age 16. I was accepted to multiple colleges and universities and had many options. In the end I wound up choosing the one in my very own hometown. It was so ironic because I always dreamed of leaving that tiny town, and even applied to NYU in New York which seemed pretty ‘far out’ to my family and a few friends.

The third pic is a more current me. I am no longer a teenager, a 17 year old girl. I am a woman with the scars of experiencing life. I’ve traveled a path far rockier than I had anticipated at a young age. Having survived many manias and deep depressions, conquering Bulimia and finding recovery, I am an entirely different person than I would have become had I not come upon these stumbling blocks. If I could do it over, I would change the Bipolar part. I would not wish this disorder on any human being.

I am the far opposite of where I planned myself to be in my hopeful senior book of memories. I was to become a Psychiatrist with a private practice, very nice home, pretty well off, and have more than just a couple of kids with my future husband. I always dreamed of having children. I wanted a house full of tiny feet, laughter and cartoons. In case you haven’t read some of my other posts about my situation with motherhood, I have had a tubal ligation and am unable to have kids. I made this huge, life changing decision for more than a couple of reasons… However, all things are according to God’s will, and I am better off now more than ever! 🙂

Finally, far right pic, I am now a wife! All of those teen years, many tear-filled, sleepless nights with a pain of a broken heart, and more than a couple of frogs on the way have brought me to my now life mate, soul mate, and the one who completes me. As you may have read, we’ve had our ups and downs. Sometimes things get ugly, sometimes there are fireworks. I am truly blessed to be able to experience love in this form.

I am really happy where I am now.

I know no matter where this unpredictable, winding road of life may take me, I am prepared now. I am ready, and I thank our God above for blessing me with these near 29 years.



I Love The Me I Am Now, and I Shine…Now!

I Love The Me I Am Now, and I Shine...Now!

The human body only responds to love. People dress wounds, they don’t hate themselves for falling in the first place, that they open the gash even more.
Happiness is a choice. Its not something that we are waiting on. 🙂

*Image via Facebook News Feed

This is Me.

This is Me.

I totally love photo editing, so I made a self-portrait collage.


A New Day We Have Never Seen Before!

Good Morning, everyone!

I slept so well last night! I got 6 hours and 15 minutes of solid, uninterrupted sleep! This is a major improvement from the night before when I was concerned about the hyperactivity within my mind, and so on. I am pretty sure my dreams were sweet as well, because I woke up in a great mood, feeling amazing! Things are looking up in the world I live in as I have been trying harder to improve all areas of my life. I have noticed a significant improvement in my general mood since I returned to the treadmill 2 weeks after a very, very long hiatus.  I am very much aware that exercise/ regular physical activity in working out may improve the mood of many, and the quality of their sleep as well! I am finding that if I get my daily exercise done by 4 p.m. I can then be stretched, showered and ready for dinner by 5 or 5:30 p.m. It all works out! No more 7 p.m. walks for me, as they really stimulate not only my body but my mind, and that is not a good thing as I usually turn in around 11 p.m. and us Polar-bears need our sleep!

So far today since getting out of bed, I had a small bowl of Special K Red Berries, began the laundry for the day in starting up the washing machine with a load of towels. I then cleaned up the puppy pad area where our doggies go when they aren’t outside or if its too cold. I’ve got Aerosmith blasting in the kitchen, so I can hear it all the way in here in the office! Haha…I’ve gotten the garbage together, and am about to prepare to do the rest of the dishes. My husband was so sweet to do half of them last night! We have sort of gotten behind in our housework, but things are seeming to get back on track now all around. I am happy. Blessed.

I may add in another daily walk to be able to burn twice the amount of calories in a day. I cannot believe I started out doing 10 minutes a day, then 15, then 20. Its been 20 for a few days now. So…if I do 30 in the morning, and 30 in the later afternoon, then I should really begin to see results, twice as fast! LOL! I hope so! A couple weeks ago I made a goal to lose 20lbs by mid March. I know I can reach this goal if I stay on track I really and truly want to see results this summer! I want to be able to go to the beach without shame. I mean of course, there won’t be a bikini this year, but maybe a flirty 2 piece halter and skirt or boy-short number? I am so excited! I keep telling myself, and you guys that THIS IS OUR YEAR! -And it is! The power is forever in the present moment!

In other news, on a more awkward note, I am going to the doctor in around 3 hours. Ladies I am going to the OBGYN for the dreaded annual exam and all that jazz…Yeah.. We all know how fun that is. :(I keep telling myself that this is routine and not to feel violated, but it is just so awkward for me! I get very uncomfortable during these visits. I suppose I could turn the negativity around and realize how blessed I am to have insurance to be able to get this important exam and watch for cancer and all that. So, I guess I am ultimately grateful. I will have to make that my focus during the process today. Ugh!

So.. it is like 7 a.m. and I am leaving at 9:15 for my appointment, so the treadmill is calling my name! I am wide awake and well rested, so I should be fine. The dishes can wait for a bit. Its time to get my jam on with some P!nk, Pitbull & Ke$ha!

I wish you all the best today! No matter what you are doing today, or what your day consists of, may you do it joyously in gratitude, as this day that has come we have never seen before and is full of chance…possibility! We will never see this day again, so lets go the distance. Even at our all time lows, we have something to be grateful for.

God bless, and keep rockin’!





My Hourglass Figure…

My Hourglass Figure...

This model is beautiful, sexy, and she’s her own self…Not every model is as slim as those in Victoria’s Secret ads! If you are that is awesome! I just feel I can relate to this chick! 🙂
Loved this so much, had to share!!!

*Image courtesy of https://www.facebook.com/SusanAndersenFanPage in Facebook NewsFeed.

Its Me, Im back

So, I’m back guys. My little rant of depression earlier that was called ‘life’ was just a vent. Too much Caffeine. I explained in a reply to a comment on that blog entry why Caffeine is detrimental to my soul, life, relationships, experiences, and mentality. Just in case you don’t go there and read that, it somehow messes with the chemical imbalance I have and meds I take etc… to produce a plain horrific state of mind. That being said, I am pretty sure I have finally learned my lesson to stay away from beverages or foods with Caffeine in them. 🙂

Tonight I am alone again while my hubby is once again working on his brother’s fish tanks and their house. In reflection, I realize just how blessed I am, and I praise God above. I have so much to be thankful for. When I am down, its the positive feedback, and encouraging comments I’ve gotten from you guys that has helped me, comforted me. So thanks to everyone. I love this community!!!

Love the hue!

Love the hue!

Photo editing is so fun! Woot!

Today lets end the war with the mirror…

Today lets end the war with the mirror...

I’ve been at war with myself, mostly my body, for around 12 years now/ever since I developed Bulimia at 16. I have decided I no longer want to fight. I’m holding a white flag…let me be. This life is too short to hate yourself! Think about it, friends. The amount of time you are using scrutinizing yourself in the mirror with words of hate, anger, and maybe even self harm in a rage…boils down to nothing. You (and I) will have nothing to show for the ‘freaking out’ unless your voice is hoarse from screaming or arms scratched or what not… Just join me today, please. Let go of your insecurities, and I’ll let go of mine. It doesn’t mean that we won’t still have issues…we will. It takes time to heal and be totally okay with yourself-but that doesn’t mean you can’t call a ‘truce’ in the mean time…Just simply affirm to yourself silently or be bold enough and look yourself in the eye in that mirror, and declare: I AM WHO I WAS MEANT TO BE, PERFECTLY MADE, BEAUTIFUL IN MY OWN WAY… I AM ONE OF A KIND, SPECIAL, AND LOVED AND I DESERVE TO BE LOVED. I LOVE MYSELF…I LOVE MY BODY. I AM OKAY. Build on that. Sorry about the caps, it was just easy to do it that way 😛
You are one of a kind, sister! or brother! God bless, and lets make 2014 the year of self love…. ❤

-photo is not mine, saw it in my NewsFeed via Facebook.