I’m feeling sad in a downward mood swing. It is uncomfortable for me to deal with the hurting of my insides, so my immediate reaction is to get some cash and drive to get some sweets at a fast food joint. Though doing so would completely defy all of the rules I’ve made to reach set goals (because of the frequency and quantity of sweets) I somehow for a moment don’t care. I put all these goals and and my standards for living healthy aside.
Perhaps on a subconscious level, the strength of my dark, negative emotion suddenly becomes greater than my desire for optimal health, and getting in shape like I’ve longed for my whole life. I could choose to eat for comfort, though not hungry. It’s just that I know that for the duration of the dessert consumption, it doesn’t hurt. This is not because sweets really make me happy, but because in choosing the food over asking myself why I’m upset, I am numb.
I’m a former Bulimic who found Recovery at age 22.
*The above image via Yahoo.
It seems easier to handle life that way, but overtime, the calories catch up & I begin to wear my pain. Becoming heavier is very unpleasant for many, so because of this, the answer to have it all is sought. How can I *swallow* my pain and not have it show up on my hips, creating such great anger, frustration and self-esteem issues? When the pain is ever present and persistent, the emotional eating will be too. The pain of weight gain means my solution for pain is now just a new pain.
There the eating disorder is manifested.
I must find out what caused the original sadness, or discomfort. Once my problem is identified, I can address it as it needs to be addressed. The best way to do this, in my opinion, is to keep asking yourself the question “Why?” The more why’s, the closer to the source!
For example, if you tell yourself…I’m not good enough. Why?
Because I don’t fit in. Why? Because I’m ugly. Why? My stomach isn’t flat like the pretty girls’!
You see now?
Eventually, after a few more whys the truth is uncovered. You just said it aloud, or wrote it down. The brightest light is shined upon your darkest fears and scars inside of you. There’s now something to work with.
Now approach it!
If you decide to pursue Recovery, you will begin being active about the matter.
- Talk about it. Let it out of you! Reach out to a trusted, friend, family member, school counselor, or whatever works. You need to let go of the pain you carry inside.
- Find a personal therapist/counselor that you like to see regularly and process these feelings, gain insight, and release.
- Seek out a psychiatrist, as eating disorders are problems with our mental health.
- Attend group therapy for people just like you, struggling with the same troubles. Personally, this was one of the best decisions I ever made. Being in a room with people who totally understood me was like nothing else!
- If you are in crisis with an eating disorder, there are treatment facilities around the nation and world. These inpatient and outpatient centers are created to reshape the lives and hearts of those who struggle with these misleading demons within our mind. Check out this list of treatment centers in the United States, Canada, and worldwide.
Eating disorders are serious, and can be fatal. They can destroy all opportunities in life, your teeth, throat, overall health, relationships-everything. It’s like how a hamster runs on its wheel, constantly. An eating disorder can be your wheel. It’s just a cycle that goes nowhere. Until you’re gone.
The media and society
Family issues/Childhood experiences
—And a bunch of other things that are rooted so deep within us that we just cover everything up with these behaviors.
It can be conquered. It won’t happen over night, as these troubles must really be dealt with and brought into the light. But It is very possible. I did it, and so can you!
I encourage you to check out my findings regarding eating disorders in the Bible. I was pleased to see these motivational verses, and at how many verses in this Holy Word of God I could apply to my life and dealing with my personal disease. Below are a few.
Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.
I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.
2 Corinthians 12:9-10 ESV / 29 helpful votes
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”
This is my personal understanding of how an eating disorder is manifested. I hope this helps. God bless.
You are not alone, and you are not over.