Hello, everyone! I’m Amanda. I stand with scars of both my body and my mind, and I am proud to say that God has made me new again.
I am a “former Bulimic.” I found recovery at 22…so it’s been 10 years now. I have dealt with Bipolar disorder since the manic outburst at age 18. In 2003 I majored in psychology at a liberal arts college in my hometown, where I fell in love with the study of the human mind. I used to believe with all my heart (and heavily encouraged others) that therapy/counseling can really help you develop new insights to life and get better. That all that was the answer…NOT. I sit here at 32 years old in awe at the truth that has been revealed to me by Jesus Christ through my own experience just this year in 2017. Everything I have ever known and sworn by in the mental health community is now dead.
It was all demonic.
I grew up with the mentality that I never actually added up. Tremendous anger…rage, envy, comparison, frustration, self-hatred, and eventually self-harm. Disgust at my own reflection. The majority of my life I considered myself defect. People were not my friends and they better than me, or even against me because I believed so in my heart. Oh, how I fought so hard against my body-which has been healthy for the most part of my life. I can never add up the hours spent degrading & slandering my own part in creation. I declared myself a mistake.
I loved the way I wanted to look more than God. For years, 24/7 around the clock, everything was about not messing up, and getting closer to beautiful. I would go over everything I ate that day, weigh myself, and then over exercise myself to pieces. Anything to get there. I’ve dealt with the fear of rejection or abandonment all of my life because of being a bullied, very heavy child. In all of my failures, the eating disorder was the dictator of my life. I just knew if I lost a little more, and then a little more…that I would be accepted. I would have a normal teenage life, an actual boyfriend who would like me for me.
That’s not the truth.
I was such a very depressed child and teen, and always confused with what was wrong with me. I felt I was different. Looking back there was so much negativity and bad/sad experiences. It was the horrific, strange events and experiences that led to my psychiatric diagnosis. I was infatuated with a Sergeant of the U.S. Army and wound up running away to Radcliff, KY and Fort Knox to be with him for a few days. I was insane and out of my mind because I was demon posessed. Parents: Monitor your teens internet activity from time to time, because you just never know…
This was just the beginning.
I began to cut. The scars of self harm remain on my body to this day. Cutting is a demonic behavior. It says so in The Bible:
Mark 5:1-5 (KJV)
1 And they came over unto the other side of the sea, into the country of the Gadarenes.
2 And when he was come out of the ship, immediately there met him out of the tombs a man with an unclean spirit,
3 Who had his dwelling among the tombs; and no man could bind him, no, not with chains:
4 Because that he had been often bound with fetters and chains, and the chains had been plucked asunder by him, and the fetters broken in pieces: neither could any man tame him.
5 And always, night and day, he was in the mountains, and in the tombs, crying, and cutting himself with stones.
So at age 18 that my family and I discovered “I’d been living my entire young life undiagnosed with Bipolar disorder.” Nope. It’s ABSOLUTELY NOT what I have thought all these years. My current understanding is that what happened to me was a full, all-out demonic possession. At 16 years of age I began to practice Yoga at the local gym in ignorance. I had never heard of yoga, and certainly not the truth about it being a WIDE OPEN DOOR to demonic possession. I never heard about the Kundalini spirit and opening of Chakras until just this year of 2017. I believe this was where it all began for me. I have shared a tiny testimony video at the bottom of this page about it all.
The Bipolar diagnosis brought along a handful of hospitalizations, routine maintenance Cognitive Behavioral therapy, and medications. Because of the obstacles that followed, I found myself at the foot of The Cross, where true healing begins. Turns out this whole thing is a spiritual battle. Mental illnesses (and physical diseases, even cancer) are really demonic and can be cast out in the Name of Jesus if you are born again! It’s called Deliverance Ministry.
Turns out, I don’t need a psychiatrist and a handful of pills twice a day, I need Jesus. I just found out myself and have much editing to do to my blog now that I know the truth. Do not stop your meds on your own. I’m a work in progress. Psychology and psychiatric drugs is what mankind uses instead of the healing and deliverance that is in The Bible. The healing that Jesus provides has ZERO side effects and sets you completely free, not just helping you get by. Praise God!
Mark 16:17-18 (KJV) 17 And these signs shall follow them that believe; In my name shall they cast out devils; they shall speak with new tongues; 18 They shall take up serpents; and if they drink any deadly thing, it shall not hurt them; they shall lay hands on the sick, and they shall recover.
Once you’ve tasted living water, you can’t go back.
I have much to say about this as I am in the midst of a breakthrough event of a lifetime right now!