Me On The Altar.

God has given me the answer to my spiritual problem this year multiple times using different people and things. Instead of heeding any of His opportunities, each time I pushed them away and tried to do it my way or another way. The way He has for me I have always put aside because it was too hard and extreme for me. It’s like I want to know God so intimately but I want my desires too. I have cried out for The Lord to draw me into The very Heart of Him in recent years and He is doing that right now. I am going down whining, kicking, and screaming. As nasty as this spirit husband harassment has been you would think I would have already fasted and kicked this thing. But it’s not about this spirit husband. This is actually about God. This is about me no longer running from Him. I can’t have it both ways. Not anymore. I want to know God. I want to seek Him with all my heart and find Him. I want to break through in our relationship to a new level of fellowship with The Holy One.

This is me dying. This is the end of me. This is me putting my flesh (the lust of the flesh) on The Altar. This is painful. This is not what I want to do. I am beginning a fast at noon in a couple minutes and I have avoided this for months. I don’t want to be molested anymore and raped by unseen forces, aka the spirit husband. God is delivering me and giving me grace and everything I need for this, including the support of some amazing friends that are Family in Christ!

Today, I finally got it. It finally registered. This is how it’s going down. This fast is me surrendering to Jesus and letting Him take my walls down. I want to give Him all of me and hold nothing back. I have been shown so much information these past few months about the spirit realm and the demonic forces, the fact that everything has a spiritual root cause, and so much more. The Lord has revealed so much to me, including some big things about myself. I thought I knew it all already because of what He had shown me in leading me to Bible prophecy, but I was wrong. We will never learn it all, and pride is one of the things He has been taking down inside of me. Praise God!

Receiving the revelation this morning that I needed to fast as part of surrendering to God and dying to myself, really makes a difference. It doesn’t make it any easier in my flesh, but it helps me inside. I have to decide what matters most: God or food. God or my flesh. God or pleasure. God or me.

I’m learning this is about my will.


Check this out (from biblehub.com)

The Sin of Self-Will by R. Tuck
Psalm 81:11
But my people would not listen to my voice; and Israel would none of me.

Observe that the sin of which complaint is here made is not that Israel did not hearken, but that Israel would not hearken. God goes in behind the acts of disobedience, and is concerned with the spirit of wilfulness which found expression in the acts. The judgment of God upon them brings to view the special feature of their sin. “So I gave them up to the obduracy of their heart, that they should walk in their own counsels” (ver. 12).

I. SELF-WILL AS THE SIN INTO WHICH MEN FELL. Self-will is the perverted use of free will. Free will could be self-will if man were an independent creature. Free will must not be self-will, because man is a dependent creature. Free will became self-will, because man allowed himself to be guided by what seemed “pleasant to the eyes and good for food,” rather than by what he knew to be the will of him on whom he depended. Serving himself is the essence of sin for one who has been made dependent – in every way dependent upon God. What we have to counteract is the delusion that man is an independent being, and therefore may “follow the devices and desires of his own heart.” Illustrate from Daniel 5:28.

II. SELF-WILL AS THE SIN FROM WHICH MEN ARE DELIVERED. There are penalties into which men have brought themselves by their self will, and from these they need to be delivered. But it would be no effective redemption that dealt only with penalties. Deliverance from self-willedness, in a dependent creature, can only be effected by making him on whom he depends so infinitely attractive that he wins full trust and obedience. And this is accomplished by God’s manifestation of himself to men in the Person, life, and sacrifice of the Lord Jesus Christ.

III. SELF-WILL AS THE SIN INTO WHICH THE REDEEMED ARE IN DANGER OF FALLING BACK. Illustrate from the Israelites, as redeemed unto the service of Jehovah, from Egypt. Bring out

(1) the open ways, and

(2) the subtle ways, in which nowadays Christians may be tempted to the self-trust which breaks them away from their dependence on God. – R.T.


I watched a preacher online talking about dying to self yesterday. Today when I caught myself switching into the flesh during a conversation about something I am very opinionated about, I remembered what he said. This is the part of me that is yet to die. I don’t remember the exact words but I am so glad it came to mind again, praise God!

Don’t give up everyone. Jesus loves you! Father God is drawing His Church to a deeper relationship with Him I think. You are loved beyond measure by The One who died for you to be reconciled with Him for eternity!!! We cannot fathom how much we really mean to our Father and our Jesus! Praise Him today! No matter how dark it is or what you’re going through today!

*Final note: I just want to remind everyone not to be freaking out over demons and giving the kingdom of darkness any kind of glory. The battle is in the mind. I have been letting them get to me myself. Seriously, they are playing head games with you. No matter what you feel or see, God is greater! He NEVER leaves you! He is still there whenever you are under demonic attack! HE WILL MAKE A WAY for your deliverance!

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