I love God with all of my heart, I really do.
When I step out of my secluded element and into a retail store to find some new clothes, It’s just too much! I explode and begin using language. I’m overcome with anger, frustration, and feelings of hopelessness as I see myself doomed. I will live in an overweight body for the remainder of my days on this earth. And I know all of that is very negative, and contradicts my faith in God, because all things are possible with Him, as declared in the Bible.
Its times like these that I just feel like I’m over. Maybe I bought some lies today instead of clothes. Maybe I took Satan’s bait. Perhaps it wasn’t my fault that I couldn’t find any clothes today in the only 2 shops that sell plus size women’s wear in this town. That is so depressing. Regardless of how angry I am, how great this energy is inside of every fiber of my very being…
I know that Christ is returning, far closer than I’d ever anticipated. How do I know? Researching the Bible, and keeping an eye on the current events of today-especially Israel.
But how can God use me to shine a light and lead others to the Truth, The Cross, when I am so caught up in the self hatred regarding my body??? Sometimes I think the pain outweighs my mission, and that all I can do is stay at home, and hopefully hit the treadmill…tomorrow.
Friends, this is a wake up call for you and I both. Satan knows our weaknesses, and he sees what we are sent to do…and are or aren’t doing for the Lord. He hates those who love God, and those that follow God. He gives his all, 110% in efforts to stop the work that Christians are doing right now. Time is short! Maybe that’s why our troubles are seemingly monumental nowadays!?!
We just can’t give up. We just can’t!
This feeling that flows all through me, from my finger tips to the soles of my feet…is so profound. The fact that I live managing Bipolar disorder only makes things more difficult. Its so chaotic at times. But I just wrote this, after getting home from a fruitless shopping attempt. I was trying to find new clothes for now, until I reach my next goal, and then buy some more…
I am just so frustrated with myself. Satan tells me lies (not audible ones) that he leads me to think on, think further on…and consider. Before I know it, I go from Blessed to Stressed in 3.5!
Church, we need to pray for one another. Time is short. Persecutions of all sorts, and Spiritual attacks are growing in number and strength.
Think about it.