Is Fat The Worst Thing We Can Be?

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In all honesty, before I found recovery with Bulimia I believed it to be 100% true.

I am now battling with my weight once again and I actually need to lose it this time. As you may have read before, when my dad became very ill around 7 years ago, I broke down. My Bipolar meds helped me stay out of the hospital but I still experienced severe depression and a couple mild manias. That was most definitely one of the darkest chapters in my life, preceded by my first outburst of a manic episode upon being diagnosed with Bipolar disorder. I was out of control back then, and have written about all of that in several other posts. But anyway, since my family began to fall apart (in health and normalcy), I packed on the pain, aka pounds. I have shed a bit of it, but there is much more to go (considering my size) to be really healthy.

I admit that even now, after having found recovery 7 years ago without acting on my old eating disorder ways, I still have my weak moments. There are times when I become very self conscious, as I can now see the discrepancy between the current me and the high school and college freshman me. I thought I was huge back then. If only I knew how beautiful I really was then maybe I would have truly valued myself as a person and had higher standards for life. I was misled by a disease of the mind. The eating disorder. The ED that planted itself in my head and took up residence for what seemed to be permanent. I have fat days where no matter what I try on, or how many compliments, I feel like a whale! Over the past decade I have learned that compliments don’t mean a thing when you are living with an eating disorder. You are a prisoner inside of yourself.

So, in conclusion…yes, sometimes I have moments where I feel that FAT is the worst thing I can be as a grown woman. I just have to tell myself that the worst thing in life is not to be overweight or heavy, but to sit around and do nothing about it. If I make no effort to achieve my goal of optimum health of being the best me I can be, not going to extremes to measure up to something else, then I’ve just given up.

The worst thing in life is to stay down when we fall. We must get back up. Life is a journey, not a destination as they say. In life we fall many, many times. It is how we handle these tough times that determines the quality of our life. The good news is that it is never too late to get back up!

The power is ALWAYS in the present moment! We can!

God bless!

~Amanda

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