Since my last post…
It seems as if a shift in perspective is what I’ve been needing for so very long.
So much has changed in my 29 years.
I was highly recognized in high school, graduated with honors, accepted into many universities/colleges, and soared in college I chose in many academic groups as well as the Dean’s list.
I was diagnosed with Bipolar disorder in 2004 at age 19, following some bizarre behaviors that were out of character (including running away from home a couple of times). I was on cloud nine, and sky high on a drug that cocaine, and all the pills and needles in the world could never match up to. The euphoria of mania is a drug itself. A drug that will rock your world and then knock you rock bottom when its all said and done. Something else.
Now, I am pretty sure that I have finally come to terms with my life and how to live to achieve optimum health…mentally, physically, and spiritually. I’m not saying you will never, ever hear me complain again about the differences in the life I knew before and the one I have now and I’m accepting now. It’s adapting. The better we adapt as human beings, the better we thrive.
I have learned and accept the following:
- I am not alone in this great change. I have seen so many of others online, on WordPress as well, who are in the struggle as well.
- My happiness lies in my hands. I must be proactive. Sitting around and waiting for a miracle is not the answer. Yes, as a Christian I strongly believe in prayer, but we must do our part as well. This means (for me):
- Keeping my regular therapy appointments, seeing my psychiatrist and taking my medications in compliance of the treatment plan.
- Taking care of my body so that I will be able to take the best care of my mind-which makes for a better life! I’m going to be exercising regularly. I know there will be days when I have to push myself, but the rewards outweigh the social phobia and anger in the mirror.
- Living in Faith, according to God, and His Word. I know that in the Bible someplace it says that He who the son sets free is free indeed. You can look that up. I want that.
- Structure. I’ve learned that people like myself need some sort of consistency in their lives. Ever since I left the life I knew all along, I saw this as impossible. It is though! Regular sleep patterns make for better moods and less irritability and reduce the risk of Hypomania. Finding things to do throughout the day and alternating them throughout the week like hobbies and such can fill a planner.
- I must recognize the fact that just because I am unemployed and didn’t finish college DOES NOT mean that I am a lacking person. I will not base my self worth on this stuff anymore. What defines us is not what we do with our time on earth, but how we handle it and live it out.
This is the beginning. What applies to me doesn’t have to apply to you if you are managing life with Bipolar disorder, as we are all functioning on different levels and stress tolerance. My stress level climbs fast as I am short circuited when under pressure and deadlines. I’ve come to no longer love money and no longer love things, so I believe volunteering is the way for me to go.
Hope this helps someone! In simply writing it all down I feel release-a confirmation that I am not over.