My Life: An August Diary Update

I got out of bed just to get some cuddles in for the night (to make me feel better) with my plus-size, Chihuahua pup, Bella. She always has more than enough cuddles and kisses ready for me any time I need them. I did tonight.

I missed Church today after waking up nauseous in the middle of the night. I slept most of the day, and then had dinner and another nap in the late evening. Here it is around 1:30 a.m. and after having an extra milligram to my prescribed PM dose of Xanax and I’m going strong. I figure I have to all-out expire and fall over eventually, right?

Today I had horrible nightmares concerning natural disasters and awoke trembling on a very noticeable level. This is the second time in my life that this has ever happened. It was not a panic attack. It took some time for me to calm down in the quiet once I got to my desk. Everything in my dream was so detailed. So realistic. It happens to so many people all of the time, but its just disturbing to me. I was shaken up for sometime today. I didn’t get a lot done in the world of housekeeping and personal goals, but nothing bad happened today so that’s a plus.

After a 2 month hiatus, once the sunrise hits this morning (or whenever I wake up which means then it could be on the treadmill this time), I’m hitting the morning walk again.

After my dad passed away 2 months ago, so much just got put on hold, and now that my mother is now blind in one eye, life has been pretty cluttered for quite a while to say the least. No matter what, Its now time to pick up my pieces and put myself together, walk on into the light. Both looking back and being overly worried about what the future holds take away the gift of the present time. I’m going to try and let it all go and dwell in the now. This is one of my major life lessons. Press on!

From where I currently stand things are still hopeful for my family and I. We weren’t completely destroyed by the darkness that fell upon this summer. My husband and I are very proactive, taking my mother to all of her medical appointments for visits and tests, as she cannot drive right now. We’re all sticking together-helping one another out, just like dad would have wanted. The future is uncertain, for us all…really.

I considered getting back out into the world in the form of freelance writing online for money. I have come across many suspicious and scammy-sounding sites, so I’m reconsidering my options. I’ve read, heard, and experienced so much on the topic of people managing life with Bipolar disorder and college/jobs. The majority of it all (keeping in mind personal experience) doesn’t really recommend for me to head in that direction. Why? Stress. People like me, living with Bipolar disorder, are affected by it. Stress can lead to Mania and does for many people. I do not tolerate stress in the smallest form that well at all.

Freshman year of college was out of this world.  But then again, so was I at the time… 🙂

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All I know is for now I am happy being an advocate for Mental Health Awareness. The idea of volunteering was such a turn off for me for a long time, but only because I felt that I would be less important and less fortunate than the typical, traditional students and employees around the world. Well, the importance thing was just a feeling, boosted by media and society. Financially, I don’t see myself ever being a wealthy person.

I’m not like everyone else in the world. Neither are you-we’re all unique. Family is my personal number one priority and passion in life after my Faith in God and Christ. I am content and find great joy in doing all I can to help them out and try and bring everyone closer, all the while still not letting myself go. Over the years…and now…I am very much not into keeping up with the trends, fitting in and all of the things that mattered in the days of my youth. In my world there’s just no room for that stuff.

Just gotta be your best and do your best 🙂

 

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