What is anxiety like for you?
Anxiety, for me, is a huge tide of fear rolling over my heart. Before I know it, in my mind I’m surrounded by all of my insecurities and worries of pain the future could bring. I’m flooded with negativity, and then I try not to blow up. I take medication for anxiety at bed time for sleep and then as needed throughout the week. However, I must say the most powerful source of the strongest and most outrageous anxiety level for me is…my closet.
Body-focused anxiety is just what it sounds like. When I face my closet and have to pick out clothing for the day, it just sets me up. It is so scary that the clothing I pick and the turn out of how it all fits determines how my experiences will be for that day or event. In fact there have been several occasions, Including Church services, where I had a surprise when trying on some clothing-it just ruined everything and I didn’t go. I am a former Bulimic, but just because I am not doing the acts of an eating disorder does not mean that everything in my mind is all cleared too.There’s something that everyone can’t see about me that I fight with despite having found recovery from Bulimia years ago.
I have dealt with Body Dysmorphic Disorder for years. I would say from age 16 until now at 29.
“BDD is a body-image disorder characterized by persistent and intrusive preoccupations with an imagined or slight defect in one’s appearance.”
-The Anxiety and Depression Association of America
I get all of those feelings I described above just from trying to figure out what to wear when going somewhere. Yes, its that intense.
BDD is different for everyone as we all have our own things going on with our appearances and struggles. All through high school I hated myself for not having a well-toned stomach like all of the female pop-superstars that my friends and I idolized while trying to figure out who we were at the same time! Society can be cruel. The media is full of falsification, which of course we didn’t know until we were all grown up packing around our self help books trying to undo it all!
If you are interested in learning more and to really understand BDD, I recommend reading
It could give you great insight.
No matter what you see on magazines, movie screens, or at the mall…YOU are wonderfully and fearfully made! That line is written in the Bible, Ask God! You can’t compare yourself to others and be accurate. It doesn’t work that way. Nothing about you is a mistake, we just have to keep trying to put positive things into our minds daily and learn to love ourselves, and to never stop growing and learning.