Its Where I Am Now.

Here’s a new topic for a new day…

People are often asked “If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?”

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In all honesty, If I could change some things about myself, In no particular order, the three would be:

  • Have my body be far more toned, in shape, and my trouble areas like my tummy slimmed down so that I’m bikini material (even though I would never wear a bikini in public regardless because I feel that If I am embarrased or feel weird about wearing it in front of my dad, it’s not right and I think that all it is for women is to strut around in a bra and panties or less made of different fabric-that’s just me).
  • I’d remove the Bipolar disorder because of all the heartache it has caused me these past 10 years-especially my mom, my best friend. It has robbed me of all dreams and led me down a path unlike I’d ever planned…However, I am happy that it all led me to the place where I need to be.
  • The physical location where my husband and I live. My heart is where my parents are in the mountains, but I know I am supposed to be here for some reason-something to do with God’s plan.

On the other hand, I am so very blessed in many ways. Though I am not very prosperous financially, I am rich as can be in family, love, and my relationship with Jesus and God with The Holy Spirit. So, I suppose in the end, its all worth it. If I had to choose to take the things I want to change in order to have the blessings I have, I would. My mother is so amazing-she is my angel. My dad is such a strong man, even after years of working on the railroad and doing work with the union there, now facing life bound in bed, without legs, he can still smile and make me laugh. My sister is proof that I was sent to this particular family for a reason.

Because of how I’d managed my Bipolar disorder, I met my husband on an online dating site. I swear, no matter how many times I’ve tried to escape this man, It’s just not possible. There are times when he makes me so mad, I’m nearly climbing the walls. In reference to the fight or flight concept, I always fly and avoid things. I have poor communication skills. I know He is from God, and I am finally embracing that. I am ever grateful that I have a man who compliments my personality and loves my kind of crazy!

Because of my strong battle with Bipolar disorder, Bulimia, and body image through my teen years and most of my twenties, I experienced a healing I wouldn’t have otherwise, and made friends, connecting with other women just like me. It was truly life changing. The feeling and awareness that you are not alone, and having them all be there with you in the same room is mind blowing. God has delivered me multiple times for multiple struggles. Now I appreciate what matters-especially when I think about my dad and his quality of life now. I am so blessed to have my mobility and all my parts. No matter what you look like, you gotta use what you got to change the world, you know? Make your mark!

Make your mark, dear friends!

You are breathing with a beating heart, so think on what you’re called to do.

God be with you always!

 

Amanda

 

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