I’ve swallowed enough Caffeine these past few days so that now I am in a Bipolar mess. I was already sort of in a mixed state. My pdoc never sent me the results of my Lithium level that was drawn over a week ago. I will have to go in for a visit early on this week, asap. Its like I don’t care about doing anything, I have no passion for anything. The only things I care for are God, Christ & my religion, my family, our pets, and sometimes I check on social media. That’s about it.
I find reading beyond boring. I’ll pick up a book and not get beyond reading the back cover, seeing what the reviews are. I almost always fall asleep. No interests in anything as I said…its driving me insane. I’m typically a very optimistic and spiritual person, but all of the stimulation from the Caffeine has changed that. I’ve fallen back into a deep depression. The meds need adjustment again. Maybe going off the Abilify at the end of last year was a bad move. We thought it would help me lose weight, so my doc. slowly tapered me down and completely off of it.
I don’t want to go back on Abilify because during the process of going off of it I came alive! That’s when I really picked up this blog and began really using it. I made it last summer but things sort of really took off at the end of last year. I woke up. No longer a zombie.
I just need the right fit I suppose. He will probably want to begin Latuda as mentioned in months past if the Abilify plan was to crash. I’ve grown weary, and things have begun to slowly darken. I am going to therapy on Monday, and then trying to get in with my psychiatrist.
Friends, guard your mind with all you got. The enemy knows our weaknesses and is most definitely seeking whom he may devour like a lion. It seems as if I have a bizarre psychological addiction to Caffeine, not sure.
I am praying for peace, restoration, strengthening of spirit, and a healing like I’ve never known before. Its just escalated too far. This time, nearly taking me out. Its crazy how Caffeine can destroy me. Maybe that’s why it’s ironically so appealing.
God bless everyone today. Don’t give up on your dreams. If you are hurting, cry out to Jesus with me. He’s the only healer. The true healing we seek comes through Christ. Lets take our pieces and let Jesus make a new heart from what’s left.