I Can Barely Hold My Head Up

I Can Barely Hold My Head Up right now to eat my Kashi cereal-a small serving as a snack for taking medications. I am so sleepy and drained. I haven’t done a whole lot today. I am just exhausted from…myself.

In the past 24 hours I have experienced every human emotion possible. This is not an expression. I’m serious. I let the Caffeine consumption begin again and I nearly fell off the boat again. Thank God for holding onto me, when my hand slips away from His sometimes. Bipolar and Caffeine do not mix. Well, for me at least. Caffeine cancels out all meds or makes them have an adverse effect where everything goes total opposite, and full force in the wrong direction.

Things are okay now. My husband is taking care of me. Today we worked on making the house a home, fixing it the way we want it with the stuff we bought last night. Not everybody understands my irrational behavior including those in his family. I’m sure I’ve blown their minds a time or two by now…

There’s a combo of stressors that when I add Caffeine to, become too much to handle. I know this, and I knew this when I did it all over again, but I am not giving up. I am not over. God is still on The Throne, and I am still His Child. I am going to try and get in with my psychiatrist asap, and am already scheduled for therapy with another professional this Tuesday. I just have to put myself together again. It takes time to detox from this chaos. Lessons reappear until we learn them…

Hopefully I have learned this one.

God bless you tonight!

Amanda

 

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